I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
