Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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