You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I pour the whiskey from now on
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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