I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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