Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
