it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
