I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
