That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
