im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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