i wish my penis had a tongue
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
