I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
