I only kidnapped one of them. chill
thus making me awesome and them whores
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
