Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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