At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
