it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
