32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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