cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
