the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
