omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
