TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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