Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
