So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
