please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
