I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
