there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
