you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
