here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
