is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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