i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she peed on how many people?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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