She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
