if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
