i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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