I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
