Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I party with great urgency now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
