I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
