So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
well you can't waste a boner
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
