Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
