Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
