fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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