All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
