it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
