my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
