YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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