I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
