You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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