i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
