whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
