So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
