So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
