I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
