I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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