When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
