i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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