Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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