ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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